Sunday, April 01, 2012

15 reasons why I hate being fat!!!

Over this weekend I really sat back and thought about why I started writing this blog.  I wanted to know where to go before getting too far with this thing.

Am I really ready to be open and honesty to not only myself but to everyone, including family and friends, who could happen across this blog?   Do I want this to be a navel grazing blog detailing what I ate and what I did every day?  Or did I want to talk about topics pertaining to weight loss, motivation, health and fitness?  Or do I want to blog about life in general and not to have a specific focus?

I had a breakdown and a huge fight with my husband last summer after he go upset with me over what I was eating.  We have struggled from the beginning on how he can support me.  He has never struggled with his weight, nor does he have a warped relationship with food.  He eats when he is hungry, doesn't reward himself with food and has always been a healthy weight if not a little too thin.  To be short, he has absolutely no freaking clue what I'm going through.  But during this fight he said one thing that really made me think.  He told me that I lie to myself about what I'm eating and how many calories I'm burning.  That in order to make myself believe that I'm being perfect, I'm deluded myself when I'm not ~ and that is one key thing that is holding me back.

We've come to a delicate balance - he isn't allowed to get upset or comment on what I eat and is only allowed to push me when I ask for it.  I only ask for him to believe in me.  I promised not to blame him for any of my issues with food.

So keeping that in mind, I've decided I want this blog to focus on health, nutrition, but mainly about staying motivated while losing weight, and how it isn't as simple as "just eat less" when you have a warped relationship with food.  I will have a navel grazing post here and there and funny anecdotes about what happens at the gym.  But my biggest issue is being honest with myself regarding how I'm truly changing my lifestyle in order to be healthy and this blog is here to keep me completely honest about what is going on.

To that end, I wanted to follow up my 101 things to do in 1001 days with a short 15 reasons why I want to lose weight and become healthy or more realistically:

15 reasons why I hate being fat!!!

  1. Not feeling comfortable in my own skin.
  2. Buying clothes in the plus size stores which contain 90% horrendous styles.
  3. Not being confident enough to go snowboarding and rollerblading with my husband.
  4. Having to buy bras with huge ass shoulder straps.
  5. Feeling guilty when I eat ~  I always feel like everyone is judging what I eat.
  6. The horrible chafing when wearing dresses & skirts without a pair of shorts underneath.
  7. People only seeing my fat instead of me.  
  8. Having 100 pounds on almost all my friends ~ I look like 2 people in photos with them!
  9. Having to check weight limits for everything.
  10. Feeling that the only thing holding me back is my weight.
  11. Name calling; yes, even at age 31 I still get called names by people of all ages either to my face or behind my back.
  12. Not being able to feel sexy or feminine.
  13. People always telling me how easy it is to lose weight - just eat less! Grr.
  14. No clothes ever look good on me.
  15. Feeling completely mismatched when with my thinner husband.

Through the next couple of months I'll have individual posts on each of these bullet points further explaining them as a way to work through how they affect you and to solicit advice over how to overcome these issues.   I bet there are many many more overweight people out there who have the same issues, the same things they are ashamed of and struggle alone with them.  I don't want myself or anyone else out there to feel like they are alone ~ and if we consider the sheer number of weight-loss blogs out there, we are extremely far from alone!

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