Weekly Weigh-In Disaster

Well, it probably isn't a disaster, but it feels like it to me.

I weighed in today at the exact same weight as last week.  I was heart broken.  I had worked as hard as I could to eat as clean and healthy as I could and the scale refused to budge.  I can't blame it on my cycle or stress, or even lack of sleep since I slept well last night.  I don't want to think "oh, well at least I didn't gain" because that wasn't my goal.  I worked for my goal and failed.

I think this week, even with my husband in town, I need to start fresh.  Tracking everything religiously.  Keeping consistent and honest.

Actually, having my husband in town will help with that.  He watches what I eat like a hawk.  Sometimes, and I know he doesn't do this, but in my head he does, I feel like he is judging everything I put in my mouth.  That for each bite I'm taking, he doesn't understand why I'm eating it.  His judgement and misunderstanding over how my body doesn't like going 4-5 hours without water or food is an example to me, in my head.

Now, his actions aren't controlling in any way.  He never says a single word about what I eat or when I eat in a negative light.  He honestly is trying to support me.  But with never having struggled with his weight and having a completely normal relationship with food, he doesn't understand my struggle at all.  Because of that, I know that I can't count on him to truly be able to support me.  It isn't that he doesn't want to, it is that he doesn't know how to.  Our numerous conversations have attested to that.

So this morning, when he was up with me and saw my sadness after I weighed myself, as much as he was trying to help, asking what he could do etc.  All I could think in my head is "great, now he is going to be watching everything I eat even more."  I know it is all in my head.  I know it is me and not him, but part of me is so frustrated with it.  Why oh why did I have to marry a husband with a completely normal relationship to food AND a super fast metabolism so he can eat whatever he wants, when he wants????  ARRGGGHHH.

But I'll get through this plateau.  There is only one way that scale it going to move and that is down.  And the only way that is going to happen is by me being consistent.  And that is what I'm going to do.  I've gotten my frustration out (thank you all for listening) and now I am only going to go forward.  That is the only thing to do.  I am going to try really hard to not let my mind wrap around the whole notion that fat girls shouldn't eat and starving myself.  I'm going to focus on eating right, not stressing and constantly reminding myself that healthy habits = healthy bodies at any weight.

Stupid freaking weigh-in this morning.

Fat Acceptance?

Tuesday afternoon bootcamp plus 20 minutes of cardio after.

Well I'm getting there - I've burned 1042 calories in 2 workouts this week.  2458 calories to go!

To keep my motivation up, I've been reading more blogs, shamelessly checking out the blogs that others are reading and then if I like those blogs, I'm checking out what they're reading and so on and so on.

Doing this has exposed me to some great blogs and some that just make me go huh and others hmmm....  Some of the ones that make me go hmmm are the ones surrounding fat acceptance and such.  I've read through some of the latest posts on two or three blogs of people advocating fat acceptance and the largest thing I've taken away is the one statistic they all repeat ad nauseam: 95% of the people who lose weight gain it back, only 5% maintain the weight loss.

Armed with that fact, they keep repeating how weight loss is impossible, improbable, not a cure, and shouldn't be considered a solution to anything.  I agree with a large portion of what they argue.   As a fat person, I'm subjected on a daily basis to people judging me based on my fat.  They don't see me.  I especially agree with the fact that being obese or overweight is generally what doctors tell you is the cause of everything else that is wrong.  That losing weight is the magical cure to heal all.  Now I don't buy that, but I also don't buy the fact that the majority of obese people  (60+ pounds above a "normal" weight and not an athlete) are perfectly healthy.  

However, I will admit you can have extra pounds on your body and have great health.  I just don't think we should not be advocating weight loss.  From the studies that I've read, healthy habits equals weight loss.  However, since we are all individuals, no weight loss will be the same and just living a healthy life won't make some people thin and in the medically acceptable "normal weights."

But constantly repeating that 95% failure rate almost is like telling people who are obese and want to lose weight that it is hopeless and they shouldn't even bother ~ instead come and be a fat acceptance cheerleader with us, all fat people are healthy!! Celebrate being fat because the science is inconclusive on the health risks, be fat with us.  

Now, that may not be what the movement is about, but as a fat person just discovering the whole thing, it is the impression that I am getting.  

And where the hell is the study that gave that result?  I tried to google to find the actual study to read, but the first 10 google result page ended with blogs, fat acceptance websites, and new media sites which cite that statistic, but not one actually contains a link to a study which shows it.  

Can anyone point me in the right direction?   I prefer to read the actual studies versus media synopsis of them.

It frustrates me to no end that almost ever single post or blog entry I read on some of these sites are nothing but, you can't lose the weight, the studies don't prove that being fat is unhealthy, you can be super fat and still be healthy, etc, etc.  Then when I read other people's weight loss journey blogs, I see all these people posting how much more active and stronger they are, how much better they feel, how much nicer their digestive system is, how they have more energy etc. etc. once they lost the 50, 100, 150 extra pounds.

It is completely contradictory.  What is someone just starting on their journey (I'm in, well, the 25th year of mine so I'm not exactly a newbie) or looking for motivation (me), supposed to think?

The one key factor to the studies which show weight is inconclusive and an indicator for health all show that the obese people who are healthy all are active and eat their fruit and vegetables.  They lead a healthy life.  They have healthy habits.  

Why is it that that isn't what some of these blogs are promoting?  Why is it instead all about relishing in being fat and not relishing in being healthy?  I completely agree with most of the work they are doing in preventing people from judging others based on their weight, but I simply don't understand why they aren't blunt in saying sure you can be fat, we won't judge, but please, be healthy and fat instead of that couch potato!

I'm so confused!

Can anyone explain?  Point me in the direction of some good sites that promote fat acceptance but also promote being healthy.  That don't just celebrate being fat, but celebrate being fat AND healthy?

I think when I have a little more time, I'm going to do a lot more reading to see if I can wrap my head around it but in the meantime I'm going to keep on trucking with my healthy habits and lifestyle change!

I wish all the rest of you the best of luck as well!