Weekly Weigh-In Disaster

Well, it probably isn't a disaster, but it feels like it to me.

I weighed in today at the exact same weight as last week.  I was heart broken.  I had worked as hard as I could to eat as clean and healthy as I could and the scale refused to budge.  I can't blame it on my cycle or stress, or even lack of sleep since I slept well last night.  I don't want to think "oh, well at least I didn't gain" because that wasn't my goal.  I worked for my goal and failed.

I think this week, even with my husband in town, I need to start fresh.  Tracking everything religiously.  Keeping consistent and honest.

Actually, having my husband in town will help with that.  He watches what I eat like a hawk.  Sometimes, and I know he doesn't do this, but in my head he does, I feel like he is judging everything I put in my mouth.  That for each bite I'm taking, he doesn't understand why I'm eating it.  His judgement and misunderstanding over how my body doesn't like going 4-5 hours without water or food is an example to me, in my head.

Now, his actions aren't controlling in any way.  He never says a single word about what I eat or when I eat in a negative light.  He honestly is trying to support me.  But with never having struggled with his weight and having a completely normal relationship with food, he doesn't understand my struggle at all.  Because of that, I know that I can't count on him to truly be able to support me.  It isn't that he doesn't want to, it is that he doesn't know how to.  Our numerous conversations have attested to that.

So this morning, when he was up with me and saw my sadness after I weighed myself, as much as he was trying to help, asking what he could do etc.  All I could think in my head is "great, now he is going to be watching everything I eat even more."  I know it is all in my head.  I know it is me and not him, but part of me is so frustrated with it.  Why oh why did I have to marry a husband with a completely normal relationship to food AND a super fast metabolism so he can eat whatever he wants, when he wants????  ARRGGGHHH.

But I'll get through this plateau.  There is only one way that scale it going to move and that is down.  And the only way that is going to happen is by me being consistent.  And that is what I'm going to do.  I've gotten my frustration out (thank you all for listening) and now I am only going to go forward.  That is the only thing to do.  I am going to try really hard to not let my mind wrap around the whole notion that fat girls shouldn't eat and starving myself.  I'm going to focus on eating right, not stressing and constantly reminding myself that healthy habits = healthy bodies at any weight.

Stupid freaking weigh-in this morning.

What I was reading last week...

I'm a little late posting this (darn husband!) but better late than never to share some interesting stuff you may not have seen yet!


Are you a responder or non-responder:
Does Exercise Make You Overeat?
I'm pretty sure I'm a responder :(

Maybe it is time to bring back something our Grandparents did to cut out all the processed food:
Canning for a New Generation

I may have wanted to be a thinner bride, but I never would have done this:

What Would You do as a Bride?

How about you?

   

While this is a great story, and the kid is smart and awesome, it makes me sad that in this day and age, the kids have to teach his parents about nutrition. 

A Child puts Himself on a Diet

I'm not at all saying it is the parent's fault, but society has evolved to a place where obesity is the norm for so many reasons!

Why always reassessing your goals and letting go of the unrealistic ones is good for you:
Redefining Life Goals can Foster Better Health
So no more unhealthy, unattainable, 50 lbs in 3 months type goals! OK?

Thought provoking since as much as we want to see "real" women in modelling and advertising, does our subconscious?

Do We Really Want See Real Women

I may have low self-esteem, but I refuse to let what other people think of me prevent me from reaching my goals!
Most Women Shy Away from Outdoor Exercise
(or at least I hope I have enough self-esteem to do that.)

Exercise is not only good for our appearance and health, but our minds as well:

What Kind of Exercise Benefits your Brain Most

I swear this is happening in shoes.  I used to wear a size 9 / EU 40.  Now I am in most size 8 / 38.  WTF?
I can wear a smaller pant size now! Or can I?

Use it or Lose it

To prove I'm an uber-geek.  I WANT!
http://bigbigpixel.com/

Stop saying "I'll do that when I'm skinny" for things you can probably do now, but just don't know it!
It is Time to get on with your Big Audacious Life

And now to prove how much I love baking and cute stuff, I want to make these now:
Cinco De Mayo Pinata Cookies

More reasons to get those berries in!
Berries may Reduce Mental Decline in Older Women

More reasons to stay active:
Daily Activity Tied to Lower Alzheimers Risk

How many of us experience poor eating when we're tired or running on empty?
Good Night Sleep Contributes to Healthy Eating


And now I need to go brush up on proper capitalization in titles and links.  Well... tonight when I finish work!

Happy Reading! 

Oops, I did it again....

That would be not get out of bed in time to do the 7 am bootcamp.  *sigh*  I sometimes think that if the classes weren't free, even if there was just a $5 charge, I'd be more likely to go!

 Now just to make me (and hopefully others) smile:

photo credit

That poor dog... so scary, yet so so funny.  My husband refuses to let me do anything fun to our white dog's hair!  We're afraid to cut it since the part of this tail fur he burned off in a campfire hasn't grown back (No, we did not torture I dog.  He backed into a campfire while trying to jump into a chair ~ he has a long tail and part of the fire caught a flame - he wasn't hurt, more concerned over why everyone was yelling at him!)

And in other disappointing news, my tenants just gave notice for the end of May.  This gives me 5 weeks to sell my condo or else end up further in debt.  We only rented it out and moved since we couldn't afford to keep living there after being hit with a huge leaky condo levy.  They introduced new bylaws last year where if your tenant moves out, you move back to the bottom of the rental wait list.  In our strata we are only allowed 7 rental units at a time and those spots are all taken and I know there are at least 4 - 5 people on the wait list.  So now I have to sell.  It is about a year before I was planning to do it and throws everything into a loop.  Change means stress to me.  Stress means my body goes into conservation mode and makes it nearly impossible for me to lose weight.  This means I'm going to have to be extra vigilant in my workouts and eating.  Man, I'm nauseous just thinking about it; heart is racing, mind is racing, beginning to sweat ~ yup the stress has started. 

That means that this:

wed afternoon individual cardio session

isn't going to cut it anymore.

I've never been so happy in my life that my husband is coming home.  I need that support right now.  Heck, we have 2 condos to sell so I might as well get used to it!

Well, on the positive side, it will accomplish one more item on my 101 things to do list.

Now... where was I?

Oh... yeah, the not waking up in the morning.  I think I'm going to leave that challenge for another day. 

Monday Blahs

Monday afternoon bootcamp

So I was a very bad girl this morning and skipped morning bootcamp.  I woke up at 6:00 am and then let the negative side of me come through.  My back was bothering me and the thought of an intense cardio and core circuit just wasn't appealing.  I know we need to keep the numbers up to keep the class from being cancelled, but I had slept poorly and just wanted 2 more hours of sleep.

I ended up getting out of bed at 8:10 am.  *sigh*

I did however go to afternoon bootcamp and burned my 478 calories!  My shins were bothering me like mad so I was happy with the result.  We had the new trainer again and he totally cracks me up ~ he repeats all of his motivational sayings at least twice.  It both annoys me and makes me laugh at the same time:  "Come guys keep it up, keep it up" or "Let's get moving, let's get moving" in a monotone voice.  He is a good trainer I think, just young and inexperienced.  He'll get his trainer legs soon!

I weighed in this morning at 239.4, so I'm still below 240 for the 3rd week in a row which means I can update the very first item on my 101 things to to in 1001 days page to be complete!   I am stoked.  However, it also means I probably would have lost serious weight last week if I could have kept the chocolate and Reese Puff's cereal addition monster under control.  I did well until Saturday night, Sunday morning where I just grazed on everything including way too much chocolate, the semi-baked cake, and 3 massive bowls of cereal.

I'm trying to get back on track with food by planning all my meals and having them all laid out.  I batched cooked the protein / veggie portion for 8 meals (M-Th) and then will allow myself a cheat meal on Friday since I have my personal training session that day.  My husband also arrives back in town Friday night so I'm super excited about that!  I have him for a week before he goes back for his summer class.  We'll probably end up going out for sushi Friday night.  Since I eat mainly the sashimi with a side of edaname, I should be good for food.  Just to control that boredom eating and then I'll be set.

What tricks do people employ to avoid the boredom eating?  I try to keep myself busy at home and if I had more of a social life and more friends I can see myself going out more.  But I seriously heart me some TV and tend to want to graze on food while watching.  I don't buy most of the junk food, but anything can be overeaten ~ including the "healthy" stuff.  Too much fruit isn't a good thing and too many veggies make my tummy unhappy.

I've decided to make myself some goals this week to keep my focus:

Weight Goal: Lose 2 lbs.
Non-Scale Health / Fitness Goal: Burn a total of 3500 calories this week ~ that averages to 500 a day and if I keep my workout schedule I should be able to do this.
Personal Goal: Finish cleaning / organising the house so when the hubby comes home we can enjoy non-housework stuff. 

Question: What are your goals for this week?

I had a witty title I forgot....

Often at night when I'm struggling to sleep, I think of things to write on the blog or rehash the daily workout or plan out my next day.  However, when I wake up the following morning, nine times out of ten, I've forgotten everything I figured out the night before.

Like this blog title.  I had a really witty title thought up, but for the life of me, I can't remember it!

Oh well.

Today is the final day of our family weight loss competition.  Enter a day full of compulsively weighing myself, limiting food intake and trying to remind myself that there is no way I can beat a guy who has already lost 8% body fat.  I also need to keep reminding myself that even though I lost the competition, the approximately 20 lbs I've lost in the last 3 1/2 months is nothing shabby at all!

The last 2 days I've worked my butt off if my heart rate monitor is anything to go by:

Saturday morning circuit class

Friday afternoon circuit + personal training session

However, the scale isn't cooperating too much.  I'm up 1.5 lbs from yesterday:

My original weigh-in body fat % was 53.6 and weight was 260.2.  *HUGE SIGH*

I know that 51.9% isn't my actual body fat % since these scales are off.  When I had my last body composition done with calipers it was in the mid 30% range.  However, this scale is consistent in telling me the body fat % and doesn't seem to vary much during the day.

Buuuuutttttttttt, my weigh-in isn't until later this afternoon since my brother-in-law works until 2 pm and we aren't meeting up for measurements etc. until after then.  So as I alluded to earlier, I'm going to compulsively watch my weight and body fat % during the day.  I have a few "exercises" to do, like mowing a 2000 sq. ft lawn with a push mower, vacumming a 1500 sq ft area, going on my hands and knees to get all the dog hair off the stairs, and maybe while I'm at it, I'll run a few sets of stairs as well.  Anything to get those numbers even slightly lower.

I'll take pictures each time ~ show you truly how variable they can be during the day and why it is so consistent to weigh in at the same time each day wearing the same thing (or nothing) and not worrying too much about a pound here and there since our bodies are so variable.

I hope everyone is having a great day, and to those running the Vancouver 10K Sun Run (in progress right now and half are already done!) I hope your race went well!!

I'll be back later!

Monday/Tuesday weigh-in: 238.8

I've been gone for the last few days because I was travelling in Alberta to see Family.  Excuses, excuses I know!  Yes, Alberta, and the places I was staying at, had Internet connection.  However, I'm going to plead illness!

While at the airport on Wednesday, my sister texted me saying she couldn't head down to Medicine Hat that night since she wasn't feeling well.  She was nauseous and had been throwing up all morning.   I wasn't impressed.  One of the reason's I flew back to Calgary instead of driving was that my sister had promised to go down with me and was my ride.  I didn't have a car there and I wasn't so sure she would let me borrow hers for the 2 days.    She is generally flaky as hell (sorry sis, but it is true!) and I was worried this was just another excuse.  However, my mom had some stomach issues, to put it mildly, on Sunday/Monday, so there was some credibility to the story.  Well, to make a long story short, she work up at 7:30 on Wednesday morning and said she was able to go. 

It was surprisingly nice to travel with my sister, she has been on a health kick since January of last year and lost about 40-50 lbs on Jenny Craig and is now down and maintaining at around 120 lbs.  Prior to that she was one of the worst eaters I knew, but the weight never really crept up until the last 5 years or so.  She had huge plates of french fries for dinner, popcorn for lunch, and diet coke 24 hours a day.  She also never exercised and slept every spare hour she had.  Something in her clicked last year and she found her inner motivation, joined Jenny Craig, stuck to it, met her goals and has been doing great since.   She works with a personal trainer 3 times a week in the morning (this in and of itself makes me wonder which alien group reprogrammed her mind.) For this trip down, was all about healthy snacks.  Her stomach was still sensitive, but we packed the ubiquitous Diet Coke, apples, bananas, rye crisps, sugar snap peas, and water.  This was a huge help to me!

The visit to my grandparents was great.  While they are getting up there in age (89 this year) they are still agile and their minds are sharp (they quite enjoyed killing us at cribbage) and I was so happy to spend some quality time with them.   Knowing they've made it this far makes me want to keep on living healthy so I can reach that age as well. 

The worst part?  The drive home.  My sister still smokes, yes I ride her ass on it every day since my dad died from smoking, and I thought my stomach was just bothered from drinking too much chocolate milk and all the cigarette smoke in the car.  I was positive it was just that, no way was I getting sick with a couple trips to the gym planned and 4 more days of vacation to go.

I wasn't that lucky.  We got home Friday around 1 pm and by 1:30 I was in the washroom with some nasty diarrhoea.  I was still trying to convince myself that it was just the chocolate milk, so I grabbed my gym stuff and went to the gym with my husband and his cousins.  That definitely didn't go so well. I made it through 25 minutes on the bike and 2 sets of squats and 3 trips to the bathroom before giving up, changing and reclining on the massage chairs for an hour waiting for the boys to finish.  *Sigh*  I knew then that I was done for, but refused to give in.  I was stupid, I tagged alone to the Vietnamese restaurant for dinner and was able to keep down the tea and part of a lime drink.  By this time, TMI alert, my ass was on fire and I was unhappy.  I still trudged on.  After the food, the guys were still hungry and a mutual friend invited us out to her place for homemade wonton soup.   I really just wanted to go home, but since we hadn't seen this friend for ages, I felt obligated to go out to her place and hang out.  With a quick stop at Shopper's Drug Mart, embarrassing the the pharmacy tech asking about nausea and diarrhoea, we went out to Chestermere to hang out.  Thank goodness all we did was hang out.  I was able to sit and not move for hours on some of the most comfortable couches ever.  I convinced the boys to go see American Reunion the next night and barely made it home before I felt like I was going to throw up.  My poor mom, I ran into the house dropping everything as I tumbled into the washroom.  I HATE throwing up, try to hold it down as much as possible, but couldn't get rid of the feeling that I just had to be sick.  Alas, even sticking my fingers down my throat didn't work.  This is insensitive, but I really don't know how bulimics can throw up!  I made it to the couch that night and never moved again. 

I made it through the night and was able to be alive enough the following days to hang out with my husband and family.  It was slow going, food wasn't appealing, and I never had enough energy to even sit on my phone or computer to blog.  I barely had the energy to walk.   I did however, feel good enough to hit the gym for 90 minutes on Monday.  I was struggling when my heart rate hit 140, but able to maintain it through the workout! Wohoo for small accomplishments!

On the plus side, I lost 8 lbs that week from not eating (my stomach still doesn't really want a lot of food) and my sister and I didn't get my grandparents sick!  I also was able to control my portions and all of our eating

All in all, travel is hard for diet and exercise, but if you find ways to work in good food like healthy car trip snacks and exercise (try joining a friend at the gym using a buddy pass) it is doable to keep it up.  I just don't recommend getting a stomach bug.  It is not a quick fix I want to repeat!!

p.s. does anyone else find it ironic that Blogger's spell check pukes on the word blog?