Weekly Weigh-In Disaster

Well, it probably isn't a disaster, but it feels like it to me.

I weighed in today at the exact same weight as last week.  I was heart broken.  I had worked as hard as I could to eat as clean and healthy as I could and the scale refused to budge.  I can't blame it on my cycle or stress, or even lack of sleep since I slept well last night.  I don't want to think "oh, well at least I didn't gain" because that wasn't my goal.  I worked for my goal and failed.

I think this week, even with my husband in town, I need to start fresh.  Tracking everything religiously.  Keeping consistent and honest.

Actually, having my husband in town will help with that.  He watches what I eat like a hawk.  Sometimes, and I know he doesn't do this, but in my head he does, I feel like he is judging everything I put in my mouth.  That for each bite I'm taking, he doesn't understand why I'm eating it.  His judgement and misunderstanding over how my body doesn't like going 4-5 hours without water or food is an example to me, in my head.

Now, his actions aren't controlling in any way.  He never says a single word about what I eat or when I eat in a negative light.  He honestly is trying to support me.  But with never having struggled with his weight and having a completely normal relationship with food, he doesn't understand my struggle at all.  Because of that, I know that I can't count on him to truly be able to support me.  It isn't that he doesn't want to, it is that he doesn't know how to.  Our numerous conversations have attested to that.

So this morning, when he was up with me and saw my sadness after I weighed myself, as much as he was trying to help, asking what he could do etc.  All I could think in my head is "great, now he is going to be watching everything I eat even more."  I know it is all in my head.  I know it is me and not him, but part of me is so frustrated with it.  Why oh why did I have to marry a husband with a completely normal relationship to food AND a super fast metabolism so he can eat whatever he wants, when he wants????  ARRGGGHHH.

But I'll get through this plateau.  There is only one way that scale it going to move and that is down.  And the only way that is going to happen is by me being consistent.  And that is what I'm going to do.  I've gotten my frustration out (thank you all for listening) and now I am only going to go forward.  That is the only thing to do.  I am going to try really hard to not let my mind wrap around the whole notion that fat girls shouldn't eat and starving myself.  I'm going to focus on eating right, not stressing and constantly reminding myself that healthy habits = healthy bodies at any weight.

Stupid freaking weigh-in this morning.

What I'm Reading

I've ramped up my reading of blogs and other sites lately trying to keep my motivation.


Here is what has struck a chord with me in the last week:

And She Ran
A blog I just started following ~ this particular blog post reminded me of me.  How I've used my excess fat as an excuse as to why no on likes me.  But it isn't my fat, it is me!  I shut myself off from the world using my fat.

There's a reason hamsters dont have six packs
Another blog new to me ~ I liked the advice in this one about mixing up the workouts, something I'm trying hard to do!

2 posts from Skinny Emmie:

• Accepting the Struggle A great read on why the struggle and the journey are just as important as the final destination.
• Weight Loss Ninja Although not explicitly a motivational post, to me, since I also struggle to overcome the feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, it was.  It is necessary to remind myself that the definition of failure can change and even the best laid plans go sideways but that the final goal is always there even if the path to reach it may change. 

Day 2
Another blog new to me that I came across looking for people's experience with skin removal surgery.  When checking out blogs, I almost had a panic attack since I know once I reach my weight loss goal, I will have plenty of excess skin to be removed.  It scares the shit out of me.  The wonderful blogger at Diary of a Former Food Addict just went through surgery for her arms and legs and I'm really looking forward to watching the progress.

Don't just sit around
I came across this when reading the Sweat Science blog at Runner's World.
I sit all day long, and this is a perfect reminder to move on a regular basis.  I find the study quite intriguing as it goes to show that obesity is a very complex issue.

Paying the Price of a Fat Pet
"The problem in pets mirrors that in overweight humans, often stemming from lack of exercise and too many snacks and calorie-dense foods – or, in this case, treats and table scraps – between meals."

So true!  I'm lucky my dog is hyper active and maintains his weight  perfectly.  I only wish my doctor would tell me that "You have a nice figure" like the vet told Haru!

Deprived
A reminder that you shouldn't feel deprived for the whole weight loss journey

Healthy Habits Make Healthy Fatties

A reminder that the number on the scale doesn't mean much in regards to health and morbidity!