Monday, May 28, 2012

Let the Chaos.... Continue??

I've been a bad weight loss blogger and didn't blog through the last week when I was, ahem, actively gaining weight.

I haven't stepped on the scale, but from 2 weeks of indulgence, I know I have gained weight.

<TMI alert>

So, I carry much of my weight in my lower ab stomach area.  The part that is hidden by the pants...  and well sometimes, when I am heavier, that fat roll sits differently.  It is more like when I sit down it is resting on my upper thighs.  I know when I've regained even 5 or 10 pounds, that uncomfortable feeling of the fat resting on my thighs (i.e. jean ab portion touching jean upper thigh portion) occurs.  I hate it, it bugs the hell out of me.

Well I have that feeling right now.  I started feeling it last Thursday and it has haunted me since.

Yet, like many people, I have done NOTHING about it.

Heck, yesterday was overindulgence city.  I stalked a city street for a little hole in the wall gelato place.  *Sigh*

FATTY mcFAT FAT here I come.

I need to be stopped, but even though my jeans are tight, fat is touching fat in places it shouldn't, I know I'm going to eat poor tonight.

I already worked out for the day!  wohoo!  But I'm having issues with my knee and my neck and have zero motivation to even take the dog out for a walk in this rain.  I'm too afraid to ride my bike (bailed last Thursday hard) and I don't want to do anything.  I want to eat all the left-over good food in my place.  Heck, I can't throw it out since eating it will save me money!

I want to continue to eat bad to cope with the amazing amount of stress I'm under at work and at home lately.  I recognize that but I have no alternative way of coping.  I don't know how.

Work is killing me.    I have 3 weeks of work to finish in 2 days.  I can't do much overtime to catch up since I have a dog at home with no one else to look after.  I can't afford to put him in daycare and have no friends that would stop by to play with him and let him out.

Why can't I afford the $50 to put him in daycare for the next 2 days?  Because my freaking condo isn't selling.

After 1 month on the market we haven't gotten a single call.  It isn't my condo necessarily, it is the market.  2 real estate agents I've talked to have had almost no interest in any of the properties they have listed (be it house, condo, townhouse, mansion etc.)   Why oh why did the Vancouver market stall out just when I needed to sell my place.

Now I know I'm not nearly destitute like some people trying to sell their place.  I'm way above water with it and if I stop all the nonsense spending I can afford to carry it for a year or so without being hurt too bad financially.

I can't even re-rent it out due to stupid condo rules.

Oh... and oh!  The tenants move out on Wednesday.  Which means my realtor can finally see the total feel of the place, which means I will have to shell out money and time I don't have to make it pristine to compete in this market.  I envision hours spent cleaning, painting, and spending money to make it pretty.  *sigh*  That ramps up my stress level just thinking about it.

My husband isn't helping.  He is (love you hunny) being a whinny baby demanding attention since he is bored in Edmonton.  I can say 7 thousand times on the phone I want to/have to go and he'll go all whinny baby on me and keep talking.  Talking to him doesn't destress me, it stressed me out when he is bored.  I'm sure everyone knows someone who has a certain tone of voice that will drive you insane whenever they use it.  My husband has that when he is acting like a child who isn't getting what they want.  I have ZERO patience for it.  It makes me ill just hearing it.  And yeah... he knows this... and yes, I'm venting.  BUT ARGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.  Why?  why oh why when I'm stressed to the limit with work and home do you want to talk about the 7 thousands different bike locks out there when you damn well know I could care less at the moment. 

Suck it up buttercup <--- that is directed at me.  He is my husband.  I can't just shut him off like everyone else.  We are supposed to be there for each other.

I'm not quite done ranting.

I HATE that I can't control myself.  I HATE that I'm have zero motivation to even try to lose this weight.  Heck, I don't even have the motivation to prevent myself from gaining weight.

Currently, I'm in an angry hate-myself phase that I need to work out.

I'll be back soon in a more positive frame of mind, I promise.

Just to cope with all the stupid stuff and stupid people and whiny brats.

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